Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Choco-Flavored Senselessness


And if you turned around to see me and I was gone, you should have looked outside your window, ‘cause the sun was coming up – Michelle Branch, “Tuesday Morning.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P and Me on a date.

Me: Oh, I remember. There’s something I have to give you.
(I pick up something in my bag.)

P: What is it?
(Curiously leans towards me.)

Me: Here, I brought you some chocolates.
(Hands P 3 chocolate lollipops. 1 chocolate lollipop = 5pesos.)

P: Gee, thanks. I’m not gonna eat these. And look! They’re heart-shaped. I’m just going to look at them everyday.
(Smiles dreamily.)

Me: Sira-ulo.
(Chuckling.)

P: Hey, you gave me three? Does that mean you---
(Looks at me, amused.)

Me: ---That means I can count up to three.
(Sarcastically.)

P: Okay, I thought it meant---
(Looking confused.)

Me: ---No, it doesn’t mean anything, P. Now, eat it up before I do.
(A little more sarcastic.)



Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Gorilyang Epal

Putragis talaga. Ayokong ma-rape. Hindi sa isang pampublikong lugar, tulad ng gym na pinupuntahan ko.

Alam kong usisero ako sa mga kamunduhang nangyayari do’n, pero putsa naman! Ayokong makisali!

Nananahimik ako sa steamroom. Tapos may mukhang gorilya na tumabi sakin. Akala ko nu’ng una, ‘yung susi niya sa locker ‘yung sumasabit-sabit sa hita ko, pero bigla akong napa-iktad nung halos pisil-pisilin niya ‘ko. Pu****-*na talaga.

Hindi pa siya makuha sa sama ng tingin ko at talaga namang umulit pa. Wala akong magawa kung hindi tapusin ang pagre-relax ko sa wet sauna at maligo na.

At talaga namang tumayo siya sa tapat ng cubicle na pinuntahan ko. Hanggang paglabas ko, nando’n pa rin siya. Ang sarap taasan ng hinlalato, “PAKYU KA, GAGO!.”

Ta**-*na talaga. Asar ‘tong mga manyakis na epal na ‘to!

------------------------------------------------------------

wind_psycho: “Sorry for all the bad words and swearing.”






Tuesday, February 17, 2009

An Incomparable Valentine Feeling


[116]

Don’t mind people telling how stupid it is for you to be fine with just ‘okay’ things in your life.

Yes, it’s unhealthy to always settle with the lesser best.

But it is only through the eyes of contentment that you will be able to see the most beautiful things in the world.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Valentine’s day, I was with someone. And finally, after wasting a sweet adolescence of spending the heart season alone, my theme this year has quite a romantic undertone.

The date was simple. I came to the mall from my last class that ended in the night.

Our celebration of the day of love was definitely incomparable than the dream-like ones you can watch in chick flicks.

We just played arcade (I won--- I always do).

Then we dined (and would you believe we contented ourselves with just a simple value meal at a food court).

Then we watched a movie (“PUSH,” is not even a romantic movie--- although the guy and the girl there had a few moments of getting it on!).

While in the dimly lit cinema, we took advantage of the darkness and started smooching at each other.

Although it was our fourth date, still I’m never really sure.

I just don’t know why it’s hard for me to tell if I’m in love or not.

Being single since birth and never really experiencing a romantic relationship with someone in my recent or remote past, makes it hard to know if the present feeling I have is love…

…Because there’s nothing else that I can compare it to.

Anyway, valentines this year was still nice.



wind_psycho: “Whatever.”






Monday, February 16, 2009

The Adjacent Cubicle

After twenty minutes of sweating in the steam room after a two hour workout in the gym, I came out and found myself a cubicle where I can take a shower.

The usual cubicle I took, which was placed farthest from the entrance of that shower room was taken--- I knew that due to the running water I could hear from that spot. So, I decided to take the one next to it.

However, I noticed something peculiar about my usual cubicle. The semi-translucent door was entirely covered by an orange towel and two jersey shorts were hanging at the bottom.

I was going to let it pass, when suddenly I saw a hand grabbed the edge of the two parallel walls. The urgency of the hand movements was as if the walls were used to hang on for dear life.

And I immediately thought that something fishy was going on inside.

I have been in the gym for more than a year and have often heard from different people that gyms nowadays have been a place for hook-ups--- whether for a friendly or an x-rated purpose. And I was sort of thrilled because finally I was going to witness something first hand.

Even though wind_psycho was disapproving my sudden bout of curiosity about the situation, I decided to still take the adjacent stall. As I entered, I could hear a pair of deep moans bellowing out in a minimal whisper tone.

Upon opening my shower, I noticed that the moans became more muffled. Probably they realized that they had company. Still I proceeded with my usual bathing--- as I was investigating a forbidden case.

I also noted that the shower in the “magic cubicle” has not stopped since I went out of the steam room. A normal gym-goer’s bath would usually entail an intermittent opening-and-closing of the showerhead since there has to be time to apply soap. I mean, who soaps up his body while the running water flows on it at the same time? Duh!

Then hands suddenly grabbed the wall edges again. And I again noticed that it was a different set of hands that I saw earlier. The skin color of this one was darker. That brought me to a definite conclusion that there were really two people sharing that small space--- and probably each other.

I tried tiptoeing to see. But to no avail. I guess I really have to utilize my auditory sense to its fullest extent.

Just as I was drying up, I heard a deeper, louder groaning. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of someone spitting out contents from the mouth.

And I’m pretty sure that it was neither saliva nor phlegm that was being spit out.

I went out--- not because the show was over but because I’m done fixing. I guess wind_psycho finally cracked me up not to further fish on what happened or who were involved.

Well, at least now I know about the rumors…






Sunday, February 15, 2009

Game Ka Na Gurl!

February 13, 2009, Friday, a day before valentines--- a perfect day to end the pre-hearts-day week of Game KNB by featuring an episode with the pop icons who will be having concerts all over the country the whole of this love month.

The said group is comprised of Sam Milby, Piolo Pascual, Erik Santos, Christian Bautista and Mark Bautista--- five of the better looking male singers in the country.

As a marketing plot, they started the show by plugging their shows and giving a sample chorus from one of the songs they would feature in those concerts: a harmonized version of El Bimbo. I give the rendition 6 out of 10. The bass was off, and I was not at all surprised since it was Milby who was assigned for that part.

It was actually fun to watch the guys play in the game. Their candid remarks and comic antics in the middle of the question-and-answer is a display of their comfort of being seen in the boob tube in a regular basis.

However, after a few minutes or so in the first round, this question popped out:

Sino ang boksingero na nakatalo kay Mayweather bago ito magretiro noong 2008?”
“a. (Some Mexican boxer); b. David Diaz; c. Ricky Hatton.”

The five men were flinched and silenced--- until the time buzzer sounded.

My eyebrows met and recalled the many emerging issues that the majority of these guys are not so straight.

I don’t want to be stereotypical, but any Filipino hetero-male who watches local TV would inculcate two main sports in their systems: basketball and boxing (all thanks to Manny). Even I would know that Ricky Hatton would be the answer.

Mga bading,” I spoke to myself.

After a few questions this came up, “Ano ang title ng kanta ni Britney Spears na may lyrics na, ‘Superstar, where you from? How’s it going? / I know you got a clue what you’re doing…”

All five boys started waving their hands over their sensors hurriedly. All of them seemed to know the answer and wanted to get the ‘Britney’ point.

Luckily for Mark Bautista, the spotlight shone on him. And he bellowed condfidently:

“WOMANIZER!”

“That’s correct!” Edu Manzano responded.

The other four boys’ expression painted regret.

MGA BADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!” I exclaimed ridiculously.

Even my father laughed at my outburst.






Sunday, February 8, 2009

Kidding an Adult

I cry like an infant.

I have temper tantrums like a toddler.

I have magical thoughts of a kid.

I have the gullible mind of an elementary student.

And I have the libido of a male adolescent.

But I’m already twenty-two years old. I am a professional and have somehow achieved better than what my peers have.

I demand that you treat me like an adult.

Yes, I act unbecomingly at times. But it is my right to regress.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Worker Imperfections


Getting reprimanded by your boss is one indispensable thing any worker would most likely experience in any setting. After all, “nobody’s perfect” is a cliché that people commonly use for messing up. And besides, who doesn’t need points of improvement.

However, getting your boss irritated by your mere presence is another thing.

And boy did I mess up--- big time.

So how irritated was he?

Well, at the moment I did that very unlikely bout of “human imperfection,” he told me (in a calm and nice way) that he’d rather not be with me in the classroom because he might belt out his irritation towards the students--- so he asked me to stay in the faculty room.

Yesterday (two very awkward days after the incident), he did personally talk to me about it. And here were my “points of worker imperfection.”

1. I’m always friggin’ late. Especially for the last 3 months, I have been tardy 80% of the time. I really have to blame it to LRT and their lousy transportation schemes and managements. Skip trains would forever be something I hate. And of course, being punctual is still always the best sign of professionalism.

2. I am tactless. And my being “taklesa” has become an issue for many. But I always clear to them that my intentions are not really to be brutally frank--- I just aim to be funny. But it just so happens that the words, motives, comic undertones, intonation and delivery of my antics have a little mismatch that seems to raise people’s eyebrows. Students love my jokes, but my colleagues will always decipher my intent behind their laughter

(And yes, they talk about my being tactless behind my back. Haha, I just let them.)

3. I’m too curious. Okay, so that’s a fault when I suddenly barge into people’s conversations just to fish information. My apologies--- I just like getting stories, after all I also write prose.

4. I sniff over the microphone. My apologies again. I’m really just sick.

As any good manager would, he told me that the things he pointed out were not really meant to demoralize me, but only for my improvement.

I know. But tell that to my self-esteem.